So 2013 has been on my mind a lot lately. I really try hard to be positive as much as possible but 2013 scares me to death. 2012 was the worst year of my life. Death of child, a change in my job that was traumatic for me at first, Justin losing his job, Justin falling off the roof and numerous little things. Everyone keeps saying 2013 will be so much better, but I keep thinking..."what if it is worse?" How will I survive another year of extreme heartache and loss?
Today though at church, God kinda gave me a kick a pants. I am not trusting Him enough to take of next year. When I look back at 2012, God really did use horrible things for good. He changed me as person. He took a job situation that I wasn't thrilled about and made it into a great thing!! I am worried right now about Justin's job and finances a lot but I keep thinking, "if God can carry you through losing a child, how much easier is it for Him to take care of this job/finances thing?" From the very beginning when I prayed about Justin getting a job, I would pray that God would a provide a job that would meet our needs and for my heart to be prepared if He didn't do it the way I wanted Him too. That is kinda where I am right now. My faith is being tested with this job thing. I really thought Justin would already have a new job by now. I really thought God would honor my faith about it. I still think God will honor my faith that He is going to take care of us, I just have to except His timing is not my timing. SO HARD!!!! I have these plans and ideas of how things should be. If I could just be patient though, I know God's plan and idea is so much more than I could ever dream. Maybe that's how I need to start looking at 2013...Thinking about the plans and ideas that God has in store for our family instead of what is going to go wrong. I pray my perspective changes.
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