Running Laps

Today I have received several texts and sweet messages wishing me a happy Mother's Day and many talking about how I am a Godly woman and mother. This statement hit me like a ton of bricks. I am not a Godly woman. I long to be Godly with all of my heart. I want to be Godly so badly. I do feel however that God is refining me in a mighty way lately and He used this morning for another "ah-ha" moment. Our pastor talked this morning about tests. If you have paid any attention to my year this year you know, it has been a steady year of test, after test, after test. I'm exhausted from "running laps" as my pastor would put it. I am not a preacher but I want to share with you our sermon this morning because for me, it was super encouraging. "Testing reveals your faith and builds your life like nothing else, demonstrating to you that Jesus can do anything." Our pastor talked about how nothing shapes your life more than testing. As I reflected on that statement, I thought our pastor nailed it perfectly. The tests I have been through lately have changed my life drastically. I am not the same person I was a few months ago because Jesus changed me. I don't want to be bitter in my circumstances, I want to be better. I want to learn the lessons that God has in store for me through my tests and not have to keep running laps because I am not learning them. All of this just struck me hard. Yesterday as I was cleaning the house and thinking, I thought to myself, "you know...you are super strong. Most people couldn't have gone through what you have gone through the past few months and still have smile on their face." Today during the sermon, I thought "you idiot...your gonna be running laps forever because you just don't get it!!" I am weak! Let me say it again, I AM WEAK!! I am not the reason that I am okay right now. I am not the reason for the smile I have. I am not the reason, I am not bitter. I am okay because Jesus is strong. I am going to be okay because Jesus is strong. I am going to make it because Jesus will empower me to do the things I could never do on my own. Now, I have not arrived by any means. I still have so much to learn and honestly I am struggling with some things that have happened in the past couple of weeks. I am questioning them but even in my questioning I am determined to learn from Jesus in this test! Our pastor said this morning "You don't have to ask for Jesus' hand when you are sinking, His hand is already outstretched for you!" Well, I am gonna grab it and not let go. I am gonna choose to be weak and let Jesus be strong. I am gonna choose to let Jesus demonstrate that He can do anything!!! Will you continue to pray for me? Specifically pray that I will learn from every test that is coming my way right now the first time so that I won't have to keep running laps and maybe one day be a Godly woman!! :)