Since I started my blog, I have prided myself on being honest about my journey through losing Beckett. Some things were tough to write about but I felt my honesty helped me deal with things and had the potential to others in a similar boat. I feel it is time for some honesty and this time is mostly selfish because I am asking for some prayer.
I am struggling. I have been for the last couple weeks. I'm crying a lot and visiting Beckett's grave a lot. May 6th is getting closer and I just keep thinking about all the things that I would be going through or doing if I was still pregnant. I am having a hard time because I feel some pressure that I should be over this by now. I don't think I am ever going to be over this. I was doing well for a few weeks but the last couple the deep pain has returned. Sometimes it just hurts so badly, I can't even describe it because I have never felt pain like this before.
Would you just pray that I will feel Jesus' arms around me right now and just feel comforted? The pain is still very real but I am trusting in the One who holds my future. I am trusting He is in control. I am trusting He will carry me through the tough hard times. Thanks dear friends for your prayers!!!
Lord wrap your loving arms around Stacy. Be her comfort right now. Soothe her heart. Bring your healing savve and let it wash over her from head to toe. Thank you lord. Amen.
ReplyDeleteWe pray for you every night and will continue as long as you need. God has all the time in the world so don't put any pressure on yourself. You are such an amazing person and we are so thankful to have you in our lives.
ReplyDeleteSweet baby - as much as it breaks my heart to say this. You will never "get over this." You will move on, you will manage, you will live your life, and you will survive, but you will never get over it. And that's okay. You don't have to get over it. You should not feel pressure from anyone, anywhere, anytime to get over it. EVER. And don't feel obligated to feel a certain way. You feel the way you feel and that's it. Period.
ReplyDeleteI think that it is perfectly natural for you to be experiencing what your are right now. The due date is approaching and the things that you would have been doing if circumstances had been different are bound to fill your mind. Consider this.
As much as you know who has control of every situation and can hold you in the palm of His hand, their is an equal side of evil and doubt there that will try to continue to make you miserable. Satan will try to make you God, doubt yourself, feel guilty for being happy again,and anything that he possibly can to perpetuate his empire. It's up to us as believers to pray against these exact things.
My prayer for you is a hedge of protection around you to where Satan cannot enter into. That God is the ONLY presence you feel. That only His arms are wrapped around you in love, comfort, and wisdom to make it through these next few weeks. That God gives you physical strength and emotional balance as you face the days ahead. That He will provide what you need to move forward with your life, but never forget what Beckett has brought to your (our) life (lives).
I love you, Stacy. Will all my heart. I am so proud to be your mother.
Mama