Brutal Honesty

Tragedy is all around me and I am not sure how much more I can take. Along with losing my baby, other horrible things are happening to people I love. I am beginning to lose faith. The Bible talks about not getting more than you can handle but last night I got some news and called a friend and said, "I can't handle anything else" Several minutes later I got another call and it was horrible news. I've tried really hard to keep my focus on God the last few weeks but that focus is wavering. I'm starting to question everything. I am beginning to get resentful. I told you last week we went to church even though we did not want to. I so desperately needed a word from God that day. What I didn't tell you was I got nothing. I felt abandoned and let down. I was supposed to work a full day today but I couldn't even bring myself to stay at school. Along with grieving for my baby, I am in the battle of my life. I feel like I have been kicked and punched and the second I start to pick it up, here comes another blow. My heart wants to believe that God is in control of this chaos and I have held tight to that the last couple of weeks but my goodness, we need a break from all this tragedy.

My friends, please pray for my friends that are going through some awful things right now. They need strength and peace, just like I did 12 days ago. Also pray for me. My heart wants to be honoring to God but my faith is starting to fail. I desperately need a word from God soon. I need to believe that I haven't been abandoned.