Right after Beckett died one person told me that it was probably for the best because I wouldn't want Beckett if anything were wrong with him. I was so upset and appalled by this statement. I was angry at this person too. I think about this statement all the time. Usually at least once a day. I work with children everyday that have disabilities and they are a blessing. I can tell you with 100% of my being, I don't care if there would have been anything wrong with Beckett, from the minor to the severe, I wanted him and still want him so badly. No matter what, to me, he would have been perfect. I would have changed his diapers when I was 90 if I had to.
I woke up this morning with that thought on my mind. And it dawned on me. I have "disabilities" but my God still wants me! I let my mouth run away with me and you always know my emotions and I will tell you exactly what I think and give you my opinion. I am not the best wife or mother. I can be super lazy. I am still questioning God about Beckett's death and am sometimes angry with Him. I am a sinner. I have something wrong with me! BUT my God meets me where I am and He wants me. "Disabilities" and all! He loves me and He sent His son to burden my "disabilities". God wants all of me and even in my shortcomings, I am going to do my best to give him all of me, "disabilities" and all! And one day in Heaven, I will meet my perfect son.
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