When you go through something like losing a baby, there are a lot of "final chapters" in the story. Today was my last offical "baby visit". Had to go check and see if everything was okay after giving birth. I asked my dr again if losing a baby the way I did was common and he just said it was very rare to lose a baby at 27 weeks due the cord being wrapped around him. That statement all at once gave me comfort and yet ripped my heart out. Comfort in the fact that if we have another baby, it is not likely to happen again, but also so painful because if it happens so rare, why were the ones that is happened too? My dr. is so amazing...he sat in the room and just cried with me. He shared with me stories about tragedy in his life and he even called the person who is in charge of a support group for people who have lost children while I was there and got me information. I shared with him that I am still struggling but that I feel peace with how I am handling everything. I feel I am handling this situation the way God wants me too. I feel I am being honoring to Him by sharing my story and in my honesty. If nothing else comes out of this tragedy, it has brought me closer and made me more dependent on my Heavenly Father. It has made me realize I am not as strong on my own and things are handled much better when I just let him deal with it. When I give up control, things run much smoother. I hate that I can't be control and I can't handle things but I also want things done right and even if I don't think God is handling things right, He is and I usually see that later on down the road. I don't think I will see how me losing Beckett "is right" until I get to Heaven.
On top of everything else, one of my dearest friends lost her mother this morning. Please lift her and her family up in prayer. This friend has supported me in so many ways over the past few years. She had picked up the pieces many times and her wisdom has guided me. I only hope one day to be as wise and wonderful as she is. She is a mighty woman of God. I am so blessed to have her in my life!! Please pray for rest for her and comfort during this time. Thank you dear friends! I love you!
I am such a proud friend and want you to know that I admire your heart. I have known several friends lately that have had a loss similar to yours. I pray they are dealing with their losses in a similar fashion instead of hiding their feelings. I am praying for M.T. She is a GREAT woman and I am sure she has a heavy heart about her situation. I am thinking of her too. Thanks.
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